Last year as I was approaching my 70th birthday, I was overwhelmed by anxiety on
becoming old! I never thought that at the same time this year there's a far more grave reason
to feel anxious. Who would have thought of the Covid19 pandemic?
Will the fear and uncertainty now be the norm in the future of my children and grandchildren?
What will this do to their hope and confidence and trust? It is so heartbreaking to hear that 7 year
old Boris is keeping a tally daily of the number of cases the virus has infected in New York City the
epicenter of the US coronavirus outbreak and where he happens to live. He is doing this instead of learning and having fun in school. 4 year-old Magnus can't comprehend why his Grandpa and I can't go inside their house and why he can't come near us to get a hug.
To keep my mind off from everything, I paused if just for a moment and reflect on my life. Sitting on a seldom used rocking chair, I closed my eyes and the flashbacks began.
My 7 year old self holding my recent widowed mother's hand asking her to take me to a place where she was going to start a new life..... The sad and empty feeling of growing up years in the absence of a father.....The sad day of leaving my friends and the place of my youth....
The day I set foot in the US....The day my brother walked me down the aisle to wed not a Filipino but only fate would let it happen, to a Communist country exile....Suddenly a whole new world open up for me, no longer detached and uncertain.....
The small, white first house with drafty windows in the corner of the street....The bright green neon green VW bug....The bigger white house with a big lawn in the suburb....The decision on a whim to move from Akron to Las Vegas...The opening up of opportunities in a bigger more diverse city....
The birth of 3 children...The footprints in the sand that grows bigger each summer in the Outer Banks....Their unbelievable and exceeded any parents expectations of their accomplishments.... and still question myself if I have done enough ...Their happy wedding days to equally accomplished spouses....Seeing the innocence on the faces of grandchildren and envisioning the bright future ahead of them....
The rewarding 4 decades looking into a microscope....The new and busy social life retirement has rewarded...
Life is not perfect and it’s not expected to be ....There have been struggles, heartaches, impossible longings, that dreadful diagnosis, sadness of losing many loved ones.
I've been lucky....I'm grateful....I will embrace each day until my next birthday.....
