ENDURANCE AND MINDFULNESS IN THE MIDST OF COVID-19

Vladimir and I had never spent more time together day in and day out under the confines of our house than these days of the Covid-19 lockdown. We are retired for a few years now but we have kept busy all the time. But now gone are my days at the gym, shopping at malls, volunteering and ladies lunch dates. Gone are his days  playing music at the senior center, men's breakfast club and Home Depot runs.Gone are our trip to the movie theaters once or twice a week, dinners, lunches and happy hours, shows and  field trips with friends. Gone are our visits and trips to our children and grandchildren. 

Being together constantly made me more aware of his idiosyncrasies. One example would be a story about toilet paper, a valuable commodity these days. Even before the pandemic, I have always had an obsession with toilet papers. It's one thing our house will never run out or a product I will skimp on.  It's one thing I'll never trust Vladimir to get at the store by himself. It has to be of the good brand. It's something always readily available and visible to our house guests in case the paper on the holder is on it's last roll. I would never want to put a guest in a situation to ask me where the extra toilet paper is kept or get caught opening the bathroom cabinet looking for one.When I'm a house guest for an extended time, I had even gone and replenished my host's supply. I couldn't  imagine anyone running out of something necessary. And strangely I would secretly include a roll or two in packing my suitcase for a trip, just in case! There’s always ample supply in our house so when the lockdown began  I didn’t have to panic and and feel guilty of joining the hoarders. 

Since the lockdown has been going on for so long it worried me because we're on the last 3 packs of jumbo rolls. While I was at the garage the other day, I noticed there are only 2 packs in the shelf. I looked around and to my surprise I found the missing one in the corner.  I almost didn’t recognize it , it was all squeezed down.There's no way I would buy a toilet paper in such condition! Just like one of his innovations, Vladimir  used the pack as a knee pad while working on a project. He owns a pair of knee pads  and a soft mat for that purpose. But the toilet paper pack was closer and easier to find! And maybe softer?How can someone do that to the precious toilet paper?

There's also the mess he makes of the kitchen. Never mind that he's the one who cooks every meal, he would always get a reprimand. When he cooks, I would not want to be in the kitchen and will come out only when all the mess is ready to be cleaned. I would have to constantly remind him that there are different cutting boards to use for meat, vegetables and cheese...not to use a steak knife as a screw driver....or use the garlic press to crack open a nut...or not to trust the dishwasher to scrub the dirty dishes and to load it the proper way...not to drip water on the floor while looking for the towel which should always be on the hanger...and I wonder why there's  always salt grains and sugar granules scattered all over the table, he would  tell me it's for good luck as in any Bulgarian dining table!

I would always make sure he doesn't beat me in washing the clothes on which he always insists on doing... he would overload the washer...without any sorting...not checking  his pants pockets for rubber bands, coins, receipts, napkins, nails and screws before throwing them in...not selecting the proper cycle... forgetting the softener.

He is constantly looking for his phone which is almost always on mute...his eyeglasses, car keys, hat, jacket ...and who would ever put a remote control in his shirt pocket and move to another room and then can't find it? He can never find a pair of scissors from his many collection when he needs it, but he will find one that I have secretly hidden for my own use. I often wondered how he can find a certain size of screw or nail from all of his tools scattered all over the garage. If I let him, he would turn the dining table into a workshop.

Are his snores becoming  louder or am I just keeping more awake at night  and jealous of how he could sleep through all what's happening?

He is constantly hungry. Didn't we just eat? I have to watch and remind him to eat only one energy bar at a time to curve his hunger and protein shake is to replace a meal and not a snack. He's never  been as determined to lose unwanted weight. He is  successfully  achieving it by baking his own whole grain bread, but what a mess the dough makes! And he doesn't need to weigh himself several times a day. I would know because I constantly hear the talking scale, "Please step on the scale...your weight is"...

These are only some of  things that bothered me and had  endured for 45 years.But somehow lately they seem different, they have  become more of something  for me to laugh about.And I'm sure I have my own share that he just conveniently ignores.

Being mindful these quarantine days also makes me appreciate a company who  enables me to cope. I spend my days with  a jack of all trades... a plumber at our kitchen lockdown disaster... a musician who turns my request of a  sad ballad into a jazzy beat...a jokester who is always quick with something to make me laugh...the best friend, caretaker and dance partner to our cat...a committed driver who makes sure I get a feel of the outdoor even for a while at the nearby park each quarantine days.... a source of encyclopedic knowledge when I needed the history behind a movie or an opera that I'm watching... an  inventor and fixer of almost anything I broke  applying his MacGyver skills...a tireless blogger, twitter and writer whose energy,  passion  and curiosity I wish to have. 

I realized all these years, I can't do anything wrong even when I gave him the worst haircut which  made him into a laughing stock. How insensitive I have been with the breakfasts in bed he prepares with a heart shaped fried egg that I complain about because he can never get my preferred over medium style right. And that soggy bacon! And I also just realized that I always get the remaining  French fries, the last sip of Coke and the last bite of the  dark chocolate bar!

Throughout our marriage he has always been the optimist to my pessimist self and that always make me feel safe. He gives me hope that there will be  an end to the world crisis going on  right now.

I will be holding  on to my quarantine company, my soulmate, however long the remaining days of the lockdown for now....and beyond!